Yes We Can - The Video

(With Spanish Subtitles)

I'm scared, and writing from an undisclosed location

First she does away with Big Russ, and now she's after me!

I am not frightened of Hillary as a politician, but put a rifle in her hands and she is truly deadly...

Where are my Secret Service guys?

Jimmy Carter tells Hillary that it is over

The real JC has stepped up and called the results. Not that it has been in doubt for a very, very long time. Now, however, I have my own former President to offset the Bill factor Hillary has going for her.

Not that I expect JC to make as big a mess of things as Bill has. JC builds houses for poor people and grows peanuts. He hasn't been near an intern in his life. Heck, he once told me that he could not even get any interns to come to the white house during his entire term!


Carter calls time on Clinton campaign - ABC.net.au

I am currently recruiting for my Legion of Super-Delegates

I have just recruited about forty of Hillary's formerly pledged super-delegates, on the
basis of my mathematical (as well as general) superiority.

These forty brave men and women are doing the right thing - putting the greater good of the party ahead of the interests of their smaller cliques and cadres. They realize that splitting the party over a messy primary battle is only going to help McCain.

The last thing the party needs is for the popular candidate to be denied his rightful place on the ballot and to split the vote, handing the republicans an undeserved win.

This is not a threat - it is simply a fact. I will run for president, either as a Democrat or an Independent. I will win. Afterwards I will destroy those who ran against me - be it the Republicans, Nader or a Clinton-Democrat party. Do not make me angry. You will not like me when I am angry.

In short, we do not need another Nader or another Lieberman. Hillary should pull out now before this gets bloodier. And she will never be my VP. I am expecting FSJ to get back to me about the position in the next few days (I know he is busy getting ready to announce the iPhone 2.0 - the one I have had for a few weeks now, so he cannot call me right now). I know he has my number. He has the numbers (and SSNs, email passwords, bank account details etc) of every iPhone user in a database on his Newton 2.0 (which you will all see eventually - I love mine).

Who will be my VeeP?

Indeed - who will I choose for my running mate? I have been getting calls all weekend from all sorts of people who have crawled out of the woodwork wanting to stand beside me on the podium.

• Some of them are purely after a chance at running for president themselves in 2016.
• Some of them truly want to help.
• Some of them are planning to make documentaries and want to have some sort of credibility when they do it.
• Some simply want access to the "Undisclosed Location" so they have somewhere to take their families in case of disaster.

I want a V.P. who stands for something, who can provide a valuable sounding board and be a source of advice for me. I want someone who is creative. I want someone who demands perfection of himself and those around him every second of every day. I want someone who gives a killer keynote speech. I want someone who can fix my iPhone when it gets jammed.

I want Steve Jobs.

More accurately, and appropriately, I want FakeSteve Jobs.

So, I put it to you, FSJ, will you join me on the ticket? Will we be

Fauxbama/FakeSteve 08?

I look forward to your response.

It is Time For a Change - Time We Brought Something Back to the Oval Office that Has Been Missing for This Entire Century

Cigars!

Michelle and I, like many leading Democrats, enjoy a good cigar now and then. And, as we all know - the best cigars are rolled by Cubans (Dominicans roll them too tight, just like their crepes). We just smoke them - I cannot believe you went there - shame on you! And my smoking proves that I am not a secret Muslim (not that there is anything wrong with that), because Muslims cannot smoke - so I hear.

Thus, I have today announced the beginnings of my policy of normalizing relations with Cuba - to start with, we will be opening the channels of diplomacy through aid and travel. Lifting the embargo will, unfortunately, take time. Now that they are able to get PCs, the Cuban subscription base of this blog is sure to skyrocket - leading to a quick adoption of my ideals by the Cuban public.

But with all the tourists going back and forth come next January, the supply of black market Cuban Cigars will double or perhaps even treble overnight. I predict that demand will match the supply, so there will be no Cuban Cigar crash to fear. There will be no sub-prime cigars: I will have the Secret Service retasked to hunt down the substandard fake cigars that trap the unwary tourists.

My Bad

So, Shelly just saw my last post and pointed out that John Edward was the guy I wanted to endorse me, but it was John Edwards who did.

I still thought his name was familiar - Shelly explained that he had been Kerry's running mate last time around. I totally didn't notice him at the time, because I had like three finals that week to study for...

Anyway, can we get something to wash the stink of failure off this man?

Yes We Can! Yes We Can! Yes! We! Can!

Someone get me the stuff that you are supposed to use on skunk spray. That should clear up Bush-Cheyney spray too.