Do I Even Need Wisconsin?

It's not like I eat much cheese or anything. Not Wisconsin cheese anyway.

The other day Michelle went to Whole Foods and picked up a delightful wheel of brie from a little French Cheese maker. We ate it while listening to classical music with some halal (not a secret Muslim) foi-gras I found in a delightful little store just near here. It was truly wonderful.

Obama's State Primary Win Doesn't Lock Up General Election Victory, Experts Say

Apparently, now the popular vote should count

Hillary Clinton last Night:

Nearly eighteen million of you cast your votes for our campaign, carrying the popular vote with more votes than any primary candidate in history. Even when the pundits and the naysayers proclaimed week after week that this race was over, you kept on voting.

If the "popular vote" counted, then we would have President Gore and President Kerry. It is not the popular vote, it is the distribution. I did not write the constitution. A bunch of slave owning old white guys did. If they did not set things up so that Hillary would beat me, then nothing could. And if popular vote does not count for the real election, then why should it count for the primary? The Clintons need to take a good, long, hard look at themselves and ask themselves what they would rather have? Me or McCain - A charming, educated, well-spoken democrat with good ideas and a vision for the future, or an elderly, cranky old soldier with some sort of PTSD (and so many other compaints) giving us eight more years of the same?

Obviously, they are still pushing for the third option - themselves - but that is off the table. It is time for them to suck it up and be adults about this. We can win this election, but not if there is division within our ranks.

Next on Mastermind...

Ted Turner.

He's a billionaire media mogul hailing from Atlanta. Ted's special subject is "The
Bleedin' Obvious" (sorry Basil)

In news that startles no-one (except Michelle's dad: he never liked me) CNN has announced that I have clinched the nomiation, making me the "first African-American to lead a U.S. major-party ticket."

Never mind that I locked up the numbers weeks ago, CNN chose to wait until the last possible moment to realize that the new day has dawned. That the new "new deal" is here. That change has come at last.

I am the Democratic Party Nominee for President. I am Barack Fauxbama. I am not a Secret Muslim.

Also from the "Well, duh" files, Hillary Clinton still refuses to concede defeat. I must ask my team whether I can do it for her - can I concede victory? Or concede defeat on her behalf?

CNN projects Obama clinches nomination

Controlling the Intelligence Agencies, Centrally

She had probably done this a dozen times before. Modern digital technology had made clandestine communications with overseas agents seem routine. Back in the cold war, contacting a secret agent in Moscow or Beijing was a dangerous, labour-intensive process that could take days or even weeks. But by 2004, it was possible to send high-speed, encrypted messages directly and instantaneously from CIA headquarters to agents in the field who were equipped with small, covert personal communications devices. So the officer at CIA headquarters assigned to handle communications with the agency's spies in Iran probably didn't think twice when she began her latest download. With a few simple commands, she sent a secret data flow to one of the Iranian agents in the CIA's spy network. Just as she had done so many times before.

But this time, the ease and speed of the technology betrayed her. The CIA officer had made a disastrous mistake. She had sent information to one Iranian agent that exposed an entire spy network; the data could be used to identify virtually every spy the CIA had inside Iran.
Mistake piled on mistake. As the CIA later learned, the Iranian who received the download was a double agent. The agent quickly turned the data over to Iranian security officials, and it enabled them to "roll up" the CIA's network throughout Iran. CIA sources say that several of the Iranian agents were arrested and jailed, while the fates of some of the others is still unknown.

This is the CIA under President George Bush. The CIA under Republican nominee McCain (nothing to do with hot chips, I was disappointed to learn) will be more of the same bungling. Hillary and Bill Clinton did no better their first time around. That is why, I, Barack Fauxbama, the Democrat nominee for president take great pleasure in announcing my intelligence policy:

1) The CIA is incompetent. The FBI and the DHS are also not particularly talented. All these agencies will be disbanded and a new agency will be formed - named Control. A group of the Control people were here last night (at my undisclosed location) with a film they had made to promote their plans - I had no idea that the paper guy from Dunder-Miflin was a spy too!

2) In order to beef-up Control further, I'm enlisting the services of my good buddies Bill Ayers and Bobby Rush. Also joining the control team will be several of my other friends, who are also not Secret Muslims.

Reverend Wrong and I are BFF no more

Following an unmitigated series of public embarrassments, I have had to cancel Jeremiah Wrong's "Best Friend Forever" status.

As the Democratic nominee for President, I - Barack Fauxbama have cut all my ties with the Reverend Wrong's church. Between his strange tirades, stupid comments about Hillary Clinton and the fact that, apparently, secret Muslims are not meant to go to Christian churches (not that I'm a secret Muslim - it's just a civil rights issue) .